Many of us have seen the wrong side of a relationship. A bad breakup. A marriage ended in divorce. At what moment did we fail? Was it that open ended argument we never completely settled? Am I the one to blame? Have I gotten too complacent around our home? You do most of the chores, but I work really hard so that’s equal. Right? Was it that time I was rude to your annoying friend? It was just a joke!
If you have gotten to this point, and you’re circling questions like these, it’s only a matter of time my clueless friend. So how does one fix this situation? The truth is, if you’re at this point, then it’s not going to get any better. You’ve lost romance. You’ve lost trust, respect, and most importantly, you’ve lost the love.
The problem started at the beginning. A couple drawn together for the wrong reasons. She was a knockout, and you were ripped. Great! Oh, and the sex was amazing. Even better.
She’s much older, divorced with a child, and the ex-husband is still a presence. Once more, she’s working hard toward her corporate pension, and you’re a self-employed entrepreneur who is repulsed at the thought of a nine to five.
Did I mention the sex is amazing!! UGH, so get married! {You fucking Idiot!}
“The truth is everyone is going to hurt you. You just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.”
~ Bob Marley
“If love be blind, love cannot hit the mark.”
~ William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet
We, as humans, are social and emotional beings, and react as such. People often allow emotions to cloud judgment, and overpower the ability for one to paint a clear picture based on human compatibility. These feelings get tangled in an overwhelming desire to find true loves “soul mate.”
“[...] But love is blind; and Nathaniel had a cast in his eye; and perhaps these two circumstances, taken together, prevented his seeing the matter in its proper light.”
~ Charles Dickens, The Pickwick Papers
Before long, this honeymoon slowly fades, and the pressures of responsibility take center stage. It’s at this point that we start to see a change. We begin to question our choices. Can we make this work?
“You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than a year of conversation.”
~ Plato
“We’ve got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant. You can’t just accept it [...] “or just think it’s going to get on by itself. [...] “You’ve got to really look after it, and nurture it.”
~ John Lennon
In the unforeseen claustrophobic confines of a dying relationship, misery and animosity reign supreme. Realizing how much a partner has disregarded crucial boundaries, and how they are really just annoying, one begins to feel trapped. Soon comes the arguments. Before realizing the obvious, you, and your other half, have checked out. The relationship is over.
“How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being”
~ Oscar Wilde
“We are afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person does not care at all.”
~ Eleanor Roosevelt
All is not lost. We can look back on these painful experiences, and discover truths about ourselves. Truths that can only be unearthed when confronting an obstacle head on. Learning from our past mistakes. I believe that the lessons learned in the wake of relationship carnage can ultimately uncover secrets to a happy and fulfilling life.
“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”
~ Buddha
One cannot find happiness through another person without first knowing themselves. Do not look for perfection in a partner. Perfection does not exist.
“The means we use must be as pure as the ends we seek”
~ Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
The answer lies within. One must consider what it is they really desire for their lives. Mold relationships around fulfilling these goals, and not the other way around. This is where the journey begins.
“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.”
~ Dalai Lama
“Adapt yourself to the things among which your lot has been cast and love sincerely the fellow creatures with whom destiny has ordained that you shall live.”
~ Marcus Aurelius
In a meaningful relationship, happiness comes from a partner’s ability to compliment the person with whom they seek a lasting relationship. What are the needs, life goals, and career ambitions, in one’s pursuit of fulfillment. A partner must add value where the other subtracts. Thus, creating a balance, and a stable foundation to grow and cultivate the happiness that lasts a lifetime. Lets be honest about the things that drive our passions. This knowledge is the key to finding not only the right person to love, but someone who will return love just the same.
“Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart.”
~ Washington Irving
Everyone has their threshold of what they are willing to accept from others. It’s astonishing how often we irritate the people we love most. Relationships are defined by boundaries. Know these limitations and make them known. A partner can not honor that boundary and meet your standards without knowing the results of their actions. Communication is a crucial component in any relationship. A bitten tongue may bleed and spoil a tasty meal.
“Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you. Love me, and I may be forced to love you.”
~ William Arthur Ward
Search for a partner who shares your passions. You must have similar ambitions. One refers to a significant other as a life partner for a reason. It is a partnership. Align your lifestyles for compatibility. Do things together. Respect each other as absolute equals. The emulsion of two compatible people cancels the negative value that each of you bring to the relationship. A sound partnership is a beautiful and powerful conduit for strength and happiness.
“Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.”
~ Aristotle
“Intense love does not measure, it just gives.”
~ Mother Teresa
Continue to add as much excitement to the relationship as possible. Travel together. See the world. Experience life as a couple. Put as many adventures and memories in the scrapbook as possible. Excitement is the beating pulse of life. Keep it fun. Keep it fresh and spontaneous. Enjoy each other. Enjoy life. It goes by so damn fast!
“The word ‘romance,’ according to the dictionary, means excitement, adventure, and something real. Romance should last a lifetime.”
~ Billy Graham
~ Love is chaotic. It is nature in it's most natural form. It is a fragile element that needs attention and care. Love evolves, and adapts to climatic change. Not unlike a flower growing in the desert. No one knows how it came to be, but it has defied conventional wisdom and blossomed none the less. For it is LOVE that will change our world. ~
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Thank you for reading!
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